This is a very deep question. This is a very critical question that almost nobody is asking. People present a certain image to the public, but in private, they have another, almost like a different person. The truth is, they are, because if you feel like you’re somebody else while you are alone, there is something you need to fix.
I discovered this late in life. When I say late in life, I mean my mid-30s. I consider that late in life because you should be able to know yourself while you are young. However, there are many important things, and people start to realize that when they are in an “elevator position.”
I call it the elevator position because, in an elevator, you’re stuck with yourself or just a few other people. The point is, you are in a place where no one but you can judge you. In that situation, you get to see your true self, almost like a reflection in a mirror.
Society or any gathering forces you to behave a certain way, unless you are very strong, which most people are not. Long story short, the pressure of society versus being by yourself can be one of the factors in how you change personalities without even realizing it.
One thing to look at to see if you are a victim of “different personalities” is: Do you have a secret habit? Do you do something that you wouldn’t do when you’re with other people? If the answer is yes, which is probably true for almost everybody, then yes, you have a different personality alone than you do in public.
In the situation where you are alone, your integrity is being tested, and that is real. I don’t even just mean acting a certain way while you’re alone; it could be thinking a certain way. Your thoughts are eventually your actions, so even if you just have different thoughts while you’re alone, that’s something you need to look at. The way we speak to ourselves in private is very dangerous and powerful.
There is another form of identity: your social media versus your real life. That’s another dimension, not just public vs. private, but social media vs. real life. People have different personalities on social media, and they try to influence their audience with that personality. I find the word “influencer” is exactly what it is.
Because who are you trying to influence, and why? If you ask yourself this question and answer honestly, really honestly, you will find that you need to change a lot of things that aren’t supposed to be there.
Let’s talk a little bit about the freedom of no longer performing. I think being able to stop performing is a genuinely useful skill in life. I have been performing, quote-unquote “acting differently”, while in public, until my mid-30s. That’s why I started the article by saying it’s late in life: you need to discover this early, adopt it, embrace it, and just ask your true self. The later you realize that and check it, the more time you feel was wasted throughout your life.
To be genuinely free means to act the same way in public and private. It means to have this alignment with your true self without feeling awkward. After coming back home and lying in bed, the conversation you have with yourself, without even realizing you’re having it, is where we realize we were performing and acting differently than we were supposed to act compared to our true selves. When your brain realizes that and has this conversation, you’re going to feel a lot of things.